


Release of Pressure

by Akinasky



Series: Silhouette of Thyself [1]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Canon Compliant, Daniel POV, First Time, Former Self Homage, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Resolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 17:12:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7649449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akinasky/pseuds/Akinasky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Daniel disappears during the Crystal Skull, Jack realizes something, Daniel hears it and is confused. He asks the question and gets an answer neither of them know what to do it. Will they be able to maintain their friendship or will it be broken by the depth of feeling they have for each other and shouldn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a story called Former Self by Pantherslair1, which was recently misplaced in the internet black hole, never to be found again. 
> 
> This is my way of coping with the loss of such an amazing Jack/Daniel writer. I just hope I do them justice in my own way.

**Chapter One: Team Night**

It had become something of a tradition, drinking beer and eating takeout at Jack’s house after any one or more of them went missing or was presumed dead. This tradition went back as far as Daniel’s return from Abydos when he’d been considered dead by everyone except Major Charles Kawalsky, Louis Feretti and Colonel Jack O’Neill. It had taken time, because the military had considered him dead on assignment through their department and that took time to fix. He couldn’t even renew his Driver’s License until he was ‘alive’ again so he’d had no legal right to find an apartment for about six months. Jack had let Daniel sleep in his guest room for weeks before he was allowed to find someplace to live again. Jack went with him to find the Jeep he now owned and barely took care of; in fact there was more than one weekend since his return when Jack had just invited himself over to fix Daniel’s jeep over drinks and barbeque.

Now as Daniel sat on Jack’s couch, his empty beer bottles on the table off to the side and his head settled back on the couch cushion behind him. Even after a couple of years and more than night at Jack’s he was still a light weight when it came to beer and he didn’t think he was going anywhere for a little while but Jack was talking Sam and Teal’c out the front door. It would leave them alone, something that Daniel equally dreaded and desired. The experience with the Crystal Skull had been a struggle, to be there and not be seen or heard except by a grandfather who had easily given Daniel to the foster care system instead of changing his lifestyle and though Daniel said they were okay, it was hard to feel anything except neutral about the whole thing, like the desertion and foster system happened to someone else and Daniel was telling someone the story second hand.

He also couldn’t help but remember the moment when he watched Jack walk off in the direction opposite of the garage where his truck was parked, so he followed. Jack wandered down several corridors then as he looked around, to make sure no one was there, he slid up close to the wall and as Daniel looked around he caught sight of the camera Jack was avoiding then he turned and a door was closing behind the stealthy Black-Ops professional. Daniel walked through the closed door to find Jack leaning against the far wall of the supply closet, pressing his fingers into his eye sockets then using both of his hands to scrub his face and back through his hair and the expression on his face was raw and unbidden, enough emotion that Daniel couldn’t help but look away from it for a moment before he looked back. There were no tears, no words for a long time as the man visually fell apart and simultaneously held himself together. Daniel had never held him in more esteem in their friendship than that moment and he wondered how many times Jack had come to this tiny corner in the past to keep from falling apart in front of other people. He was human after all, deserved a chance to fall apart too when he was scared and helpless as he had been during Daniel’s disappearance.

There was a moment, Daniel recalled when the hold on Jack’s emotions snapped for a second, the Colonel took a deep breath and a small coughing sob slipped out and then Jack spoke into the quiet of the room, “Come on Danny, you can’t do this to me. I never got the chance…” then it was over, Jack reclaimed the hold over his emotions and nothing else sprang from the man’s lips.

Daniel wanted so desperately to hear anything else Jack might have to say but his slip lasted just that long and it left Daniel more confused and concerned than he had been when he started following Jack in the first place. So he whispered, “I’m coming back Jack, just wait.” Then he turned and walked out of the storage room, and towards Nick where the old man finally admitted to seeing Daniel and he got home and now here is was.

He’d spent most of the evening listening to Sam talking at Teal’c and Jack about something or other, as much about work as about her personal life for once while he drank and thought about what he’d heard and what it meant. Daniel remembered the first time he saw Jack, the gut wrenching reaction of lust and arousal, Daniel had never been on the straight and narrow but for a lot of years after college he’d given up those particular encounters and since he met Jack, he’d never seen anyone who attracted him like the Colonel did. He loved his wife, had enjoyed the year he was with her and hated Apophis with a fiery passion because of what he did to her but Jack was something else for him. The words whispered in that tiny storage room, the feelings in the words and the thing he wanted to tell Daniel all left him floundering with his unmentioned and previously buried attraction to Jack, not to mention the fact that he was one of Daniel’s best friends. They were good together, the banter and the intelligent conversations, hidden behind closed doors and away from Sam, for some reason.

Jack was a good man, an attractive man and Daniel had no right to be having these thoughts about him, he couldn’t ask him about it without telling Jack what he’d seen and he didn’t want to put Jack in a odd place, where he couldn’t tell and Daniel really shouldn’t be asking. He wasn’t military but he worked for the USAF and Jack was a Colonel in the Air Force, there could never be anything and Jack’s words were probably something else and Daniel was obsessing about nothing.

Finally the door closed behind Teal’c and Sam. Daniel sighed in relief of the quiet, Sam had spent the last forty minutes trying to convince Jack to listen to something about her motorcycle or something but they were finally out the door. Daniel loved Sam like a sister and Teal’c as a brother, but he was tired and ready to curl into a bed, here in this house if possible so he didn’t have to leave Jack’s house, he would be thrilled.

When he realized that Jack still hadn’t moved, Daniel opened his eyes and looked over at the other side of the room, finding Jack leaning against the wall and staring at him. He frowned at him and wondered if he should just get up and call a cab, he was still a little fuzzy from the beer, enough that he didn’t trust himself driving when Jack spoke up, “You can stay here if you want, in the guest room. You still have sweats and a toothbrush in the bathroom.” Jack’s tone was serious, but it wasn’t like an angry serious because Daniel’s knew Jack’s ‘angry-serious’ voice really well, this was one of those rare moments when he was serious because he cared too much to make a joke out of it like he normally would do.

“That would be great,” Daniel said with forced levity and resettled his head on the couch back. He attempted to ignore the elephant in the room, the feelings he was trying to ignore as he thought about the amazing man that had allowed him into his home and life one step at a time, sometimes grudgingly. He shook off all the things he’d been thinking since he’d come back home again, about what Jack was like around kids and dogs, what he was like standing against the Goa’uld when he needed to stand, sarcastic and strong, willing to fall for the sake of the team. He was a good leader and Daniel had to admit that he was willing to keep pretending if that meant he got to be in the man’s presence just another day. Jack was worth it.

“Are you upset about Nick staying behind?” Jack asked as he ambled back over to the couch, settling down next to Daniel. He could feel the warmth permeating the space between them and sinking into Daniel’s skin because he was so close. Why would he do that, get that close? Jack liked to be close to his team but this was taking things a bit far, making Daniel’s slightly fevered daydreams a little more possible, taking longer in his brain to fight off the desire to do something about it. He wanted to try but this friendship was the most important relationship in Daniel’s life and that was more important than some delightful little daydream where he got to have it all. He would just keep that for the lonely nights and leave the rest of it alone.

“Daniel?” You okay?” Jack asked and Daniel suddenly realized that he’d asked a question but he couldn’t think what the question was.

He was left with the very unintelligent, “Huh?” in response.

Jack snorted, “Are you upset about Nick?”

Daniel thought about it and shrugged, not really knowing how to respond. Staying in neutral about Nick seemed prudent at the moment; otherwise he wouldn’t have the strength to keep the façade of normalcy with Jack. He spoke after a minute, “He didn’t adopt me and we have never been close. I don’t really feel anything about it besides indifference.”

“Really? Then why the glum mood?”

Daniel groaned because he didn’t even know what he was thinking or feeling besides the ill-conceived attraction to his best friend and the inkling of something more. It was something that he would never say out loud because Jack couldn’t say or do anything about it, Daniel may not be military but Jack Mr. Does-it-say-Colonel-on-my uniform was about as deeply military  as one could get.

Whatever Daniel was ‘sensing’ or obsessing about was undoubtedly on object of his overactive imagination, spurred by the private words murmured by a scared man in a closet back on the base. What Daniel needed to do now was get his head out of the clouds and talk to his best friend.

“Daniel, you can talk to me,” Jack whispered and touched Daniel’s shoulder and he sighed. The man’s habit of touching to comfort was going to drive Daniel crazy before the end. He couldn’t talk right now, not without spilling the wrong beans so he sighed and spoke.

“I should go sleep off the beer, good night Jack.”

The Colonel scoffed, annoyed and done with Daniel apparently, “Isn’t that just like you!” he exclaimed rudely and Daniel shifted to stare at him as the older man got up and started pacing across the room.

“Excuse me?” Daniel responded—hoping he could make Jack feel as stupid as he felt right now for even thinking there could be something between them.

“I hate talking Daniel, I wouldn’t dare to do it with anyone, but I would try with you. For you! Now that I want to know you won’t take me up on the offer. You love to talk!” he shouted as he continued to pace a hole in the floor.

The archeologist was left dumbstruck by Jack’s passionate dislike of the situation, and a tiny spark of hope bloomed in his over active imagination, “Why do you want to try? To talk?”

“No Daniel,” Jack snapped, “I don’t want to talk, I want to make sure you’re okay!”

“Why?” Daniel asked, still shuddering in the wake of Jack’s frustrations and demands. Jack had never done anything so touchy-feely as ask Daniel how he was—not like this anyway. Of course the anger was just another aspect of the weirdness, like Jack wanted to do this but didn’t at the same time. He was uncomfortable but still working through it for Daniel, which brought the scientist back to the problem at hand, why Jack was doing it to begin with and did it have to do with what he heard in the storage closet.

Finally Jack answered in a huff of air, “Because you were missing again Daniel! I can’t lose you… the SGC can’t lose you!” Before Daniel could muddle through what that slip meant, Jack crossed over to the couch, leaned down and pressed his hands on the top of the couch next to Daniel’s head and about the second that Daniel was going to demand what was happening, Jack pressed his lips down gently on Daniel’s mouth.

Daniel sat there for a second, feeling the dry warmth of Jack’s lips on his then with a surge of arousal Daniel opened under Jack’s onslaught and moaned into it. His brain shuttered off and there was nothing but his hammering heart beat, the warmth of Jack’s hand where it moved to the side of his face and the wet slide of tongue against tongue as Jack worked to learn as much about how Daniel liked to be kissed as he could.

Then it was shockingly over as quickly as it began. Jack moved back across the room and was as far away from Daniel as he could be before the archeologist even opened his eyes. It left Daniel panting and suddenly cold in the absence the Colonel’s presence.

“Okay?” Daniel asked, not sure what he was asking at the moment. Jack was staring at him—shocked and terrified, though Daniel didn’t know what part Jack was terrified of.

Personally Daniel couldn’t believe one of the few men to earn Daniel’s respect, love and loyalty as well as being attractive had just kissed him.

Who knew with Jack, it could have been the fact that he kissed Daniel or that Daniel kissed him back or maybe whatever was coming next.

“Maybe I should go home,” Daniel stated, feeling entirely sobered up from the last two minutes. Jack nodded then groaned as he slapped a hand over his face, scrubbing his skin briskly before he spoke.

“We should talk about this.”

“Isn’t that what started whatever just happened?” Daniel asked with a manic chuckled that he tried to cover with a short cough.

Jack snorted knowingly and shrugged, “I won’t touch you again.” he said the words resolutely.

Daniel frowned; it was probably a bad sign that Jack not touching him disappointed him so much. They couldn’t be more than teammates, the rules of the military and command structure dictated that but never feeling the short burst of attraction and even intimacy with Jack saddened Daniel deeply.

“What if?” Daniel started and stopped just as quickly. Then he started again, with a safer question than the one he was about to ask. “What did it mean? Why would you do that?”

“There can’t be an answer Danny,” Jack replied, ignoring the question Daniel asked. Daniel couldn’t be angry about it though, not when Jack’s face reflected the sadness he was feeling as well.

“You can talk to me too Jack, nothing we talk about will ever leave here. It will never go beyond the two of us, I swear to you. If it helps at all, I liked it a lot and would like to try it again.”

Jack rolled his eyes and Daniel should be offended but at the moment Jack’s annoying quirks were semi-endearing for now anyway. “It doesn’t Daniel but thanks!” he griped. Then with another weary sigh he spoke, “I know it’s been a long time since I read your file but I remember that you were pretty out and proud when you were in college?”

Daniel shrugged, that wasn’t something he wanted to talk about at the moment, he wasn’t very proud of some of the things he did then and hopefully whatever this was would not like that. He focused back on what Jack said first, that they couldn’t try it again and he hoped for some clarity on the statement, “Do you not want to try it because you were disgusted or you didn’t like it anyway? Is it only because of the stupid rules and DADT? Why kiss me Jack, when you were as much of an Air Force Colonel as you were when you left the base this evening?”

Jack slid down the wall in an annoyed huff of movement and groaned out, “God tell me why did I want you to talk again?”

Daniel snorted again in reply, no matter what happened between them he hoped they didn’t lose what they had together as friends, the banter and the easy communication between them. Daniel ached with the thought; an actual physical pain in his abdomen, with the knowledge that what was happening right now might change their friendship to the point of not fixing it again. They needed to talk about this, to salvage the friendship.

So he went for the heart of the matter, arguing around the topic would only frustrate them both to the point that they would just leave it unsaid and everything would be different. Daniel held no illusion over the fact that things were different but maybe they were salvageable.

“Do you go to that storage room whenever one of us does the disappearing act? Do you lose your legendary control like that for Sam or Teal’c?”

“What?” Jack snapped, taking on that quacking tone that he had when he was surprised and annoyed, making the word sound distorted. Daniel smirked slightly at the very Jack-like reaction; it was a gentle reminder that this was still his best friend, still Jack O’Neill. He still needed Jack’s answer, was it like that for him all the time, was Daniel something special to him or did he kiss Sam and Teal’c when they returned from missions gone wrong. Daniel knew that was ridiculous but he continued talking, trying to explain himself at least.

“I didn’t know what you were doing when you didn’t go in the direction of the parking garage. I followed you into that room and I am sorry I wasn’t capable of turning my back on you. I can only hope you will forgive the breach in privacy.”

“You watched me? Heard me?” Jack asked, his words barely loud enough to reach across the expanse of the living room.

“I didn’t turn away when I should have, to give you the privacy you sought out. The moment in that room has only caused confusion for me and shame at not being able to leave you alone in that moment of honest pain. You thought I was gone and maybe that’s all this was; relief and confusion added to beer. We won’t ever have to talk about it again.”

Jack shook his head, just a quick shift back and forth of movement. It was the efficiency of movement that had Daniel holding his breath for just a moment as Jack started talking. “You heard me in the room but I wish I had been brave enough to say everything and to let you actually hear it. I don’t know what this is but I want you and even when I was with others in the past it was always so empty because you were in my head. All I could ever think in every spare minute wasn’t about the SGC or anyone but you.”

Daniel sat perfectly still, listening and terrified if he breathed too loudly, then Jack’s words would stall and stop. Jack wasn’t promising feelings beyond the attraction, which Jack clearly believed was doomed to begin with and the friendship that they had for years now. Daniel didn’t know what to think of that; he didn’t know what he thought or felt either. Jack wanted him physically though he didn’t know if Jack truly understood what that could or would entail. There wasn’t any doubt that Jack was conflicted about this, but Jack wanted him and Daniel couldn’t help but wonder if he would truly be able to accept this about himself.

Daniel couldn’t make this decision for Jack; it was his career and his freedom. Daniel knew himself, knew he was capable of becoming aroused by men or women depending on the relationship that they carried with each other, Daniel’s bisexuality was a documented thing whereas Jack was a straight man who suddenly felt arousal for a man.

Daniel couldn’t make him okay with that.

“I should go for real Jack, but I need to say something first. Whatever this is cannot break up the team and I hope against hope that it will not break up our friendship either. You are one of the most important people in my life. I do want you to know that I enjoyed it and I care very deeply about you but you’re military and it’s possible that this is better off tucked somewhere in the back of our minds never to be spoken of again but can I ask you something please?”

Jack gave a single jerking nod.

“Don’t ignore this, give it thought and an answer but I can’t live in limbo about this.”

Jack nodded again and Daniel knew it was the best he was going to get about this. Daniel grabbed his keys and walked to the door, getting his jacket on and leaning down to put on his shoes just as Jack followed him into the foyer. Daniel turned back to wave at his friend when Jack held out his hand and Daniel couldn’t help but put his other hand into Jack’s grasp, like they were going to shake on something, Jack pulled him forward into a tight hug and Daniel couldn’t stop himself from hugging the other man back and he felt when Jack’s nose pressed into the side of his neck and took a deep breath from there, then Jack pressed a light kiss to his pulse point, causing Daniel’s skin to burn and pulse from the momentary contact so Daniel shifted a little and looked into those confused brown eyes, and Jack leaned forward again and pressed their lips together. Daniel groaned and tried to push away but it was a halfhearted effort at best, with no actual will to pull away. Daniel shuddered at the slight burn of Jack’s slight whiskers then opened his mouth again, seeking a deeper connection. Jack groaned then took a step back, leaving Daniel reaching out for him, wanting him to return.

“You need to go Daniel, I can’t think when you’re here,” Jack muttered as the Colonel pushed Daniel out the door with a little wave before he shut it again.

“I was trying to leave, ass,” Daniel said to the closed door, hoping that Jack heard him before he walked down to his vehicle and drove the fifteen minutes to his apartment. He switched on a small lamp in the living room area and saw the flashing red of the answering machine. He pushed the button, hearing the terse voice of his commanding officer, “Let me know when your safe at home Daniel, please?”

Daniel smiled, the man was confused all the way to his gills, but he still worried and wanted his friend to be safe. He lifted the phone from the cradle and dialed Jack’s home phone number, also getting the machine, keeping it short and simple, “Home and safe.”

Hanging up, he walked further into the apartment, wondering when the bed got to be so small or quiet and lonely. He wanted to go back to a couple hours before, when he could have just left with Teal’c and Sam, maybe they wouldn’t be in the beginning of this mess now. He couldn’t go back though, so he showered and got into bed. His very small twin sized bed that was cold and lonely and he missed the warmth and ‘home’ feel to Jack’s place that he’d always felt there. He tried to ignore the comparison, closed his eyes and attempted to go to sleep.

 

*          *          *

A week went by in relative on-the-surface normalcy. No one knew anything was different except Daniel who could practitcally taste the falseness to his and Jack’s banter as they ate in the commisry, or went on missions or sat in briefings. They didn’t see each other outside of the base and Jack hadn’t come to his office during the day once in those seven days. Daniel missed lunch for the last thing days in a row and his best friend, who had always taken it upon himself to remind Daniel to eat most days had not come to drag him off to feed him back Air Force commissary food.

It seemed that Jack wasn’t going to ignore the issue—just Daniel for the foreseeable future and the scientist was sick of it. He had no intention of letting this continue without having the opportunity to talk some things out together like Jack had wanted all along.

That night, he knew Jack was already gone when he left the mountain, heading straight for Jack’s house with a head of steam and words ripe for the picking on the tip of his tongue. The anger kept him mobile until the three seconds _after_ he knocked on Jack’s door then he realized he didn’t know if he could or should do this. Jack was military; it was going to take more than seven awkward days for the man to come to terms with whatever was going on, Daniel forcing him to deal with it now seemed kind of insensitive now that he already knocked. Daniel thought for two seconds before the door opened about the possibility to making it to his jeep before Jack opened the door but realized he wasn’t going to be a coward about this.

Then the door opened and Daniel saw Jack and the anger started all over again as he pushed past Jack and into the room. He head straight through the living room, headed down the stairs and into the den where they would have the most privacy. Nothing was going to happen but Daniel would do everything in his power to protect Jack from the NID and the President, just in case someone wanted him out of the way. Jack obviously didn’t think that far ahead when he growled, “Sure Daniel just make yourself at home!”

Daniel turned suddenly, not knowing how close he truly was to Jack only to know find himself a breath away from Jack’s face. He gasped and took a step back but Jack gripped his upper arms tightly to keep him from moving away anymore. Daniel breathed in the spicy musk that was all a part of Jack’s natural scent, with the hint of aftershave or deodorant, Jack didn’t wear very much cologne but whatever he did smell like was amazing. Daniel wanted to be closer but he couldn’t, he was here and he was angry about Jack’s behavior.

He tried to push away but then Jack reeled him in and the kiss started out as nothing more than the sudden clash of teeth and mouths before Daniel moaned into the contact, moved to gentle it into a caress and then Jack was moaning a little bit too. Daniel’s mouth opened again and he felt when Jack’s hands loosened cautiously like he was afraid that Daniel would escape at the earliest chance and he should, he really should but there was something so intoxicating about kissing Jack O’Neill and he had no intention of giving up the chance to learn it for himself. He didn’t even know if he would get this chance again so he would just enjoy it for now. This was not about commitment they were nowhere near that but Daniel hoped and prayed that this wouldn’t be the last and that at least if Jack was going to go out and kiss someone else, then Daniel hoped he wouldn’t see it. He just hoped that Jack wouldn’t freak out for another minute but then he felt the reaction to the kissing start. His dick was waking from the wet kisses, the hands slipping around and sliding in the space between his shirt and his pants. He just wanted to get closer to Jack so he did. He pressed forward into the juncture of Jack’s thighs and found Jack’s answering hardness and he thrust again before he could inject a little caution into what he was doing and Jack released him like he was on fire. Jack pushed away and turned away from Daniel who wrapped his hands around his upper body in the sudden chill of Jack’s loss of closeness. It was his own fault, Jack didn’t want to do this but he seemed unwilling to actually keep his hands to himself when they were alone. He figured they were going to have to talk and they couldn’t allow it to keep becoming physical, if there was any chance of SG-1 staying together, they had to talk. Daniel sighed and executed a quick about face and sat heavily on the couch and waited to see what Jack was going to do. Maybe what he was going to say. There was nothing left to say, besides no more and goodbye possibly. Daniel didn’t want to say goodbye but Jack’s career was important to him. He removed his glasses and scrubbed his face for a minute.

“If you don’t want this, why do you keep doing that?” Daniel asked, exhausted enough that he didn’t care about being rude about this. He didn’t want o say goodbye to Jack, their friendship and the team that had worked together for years now. It was his family but he could just as easily do his work from the SGC, Jack had to go through the Stargate with Teal’c and Sam, there was enough proof that Jack was good with advanced societies like the Asgard, Daniel had made allies as well but Jack had something to him that made him special. Daniel was just the history guy who helped to fill in the blanks of a story long past dead and buried in the rubble of more than one city’s ruins. He didn’t want to give up going through the Gate and maybe he could move to a different team but he didn’t think he could do it without Jack, they had been watching out for each other since the beginning, albeit it was sometimes not because they wanted to or cared to but it was different now. And if Jack couldn’t make the decision than it was Daniel’s job to do it, and he needed an answer.

Jack sighed as he flopped down on the other side of the couch, plenty of open space between the two of them before he answered, “I can’t stop myself Daniel, not after knowing what it could be like with you.”

“Why are you ignoring me then?” Daniel asked, trying desperately not to sound like a whiny girl—he figured he succeeded mostly. He didn’t understand why Jack was able to make him feel this way, turned on was easy because Jack was handsome and a good man but the feeling he had, those were messy and they reminded Daniel too much of Sha’re and that didn’t turn out well for him in the end.

“Dammit Daniel! I can’t be around you without thinking of it, wanting to break regs and try anything with you!”

The archeologist stood shocked at the emotional outburst but realized something, “Then we have no choice but to take more time and I don’t think I can do that and work with you every day. I’ll ask Hammond to remove me from SG-1.”

“No!” Jack snapped, his hand reaching out to grab Daniel’s wrist.

Daniel pulled away gently, “Jack, you need time to rebury this weirdness and I need a chance to kill it. Maybe you should go out and hit on some ladies, maybe this is just some kind of PTSD because of the skull thing. Of the possibility of losing me and how scary that was for you. It won’t be the last time and maybe it’s for the best that you don’t have to be around that possibility and me. Maybe I just need a leave of absence – a vacation at least. Maybe I could go on a dig and get back to the things I love instead of those things I do for you and this place.”

“Daniel,” Jack growled, “SG-1 needs you more than I need space.”

“I need space more than I need SG-1,” Daniel returned angrily. “Sometimes, every once in a while it should be about what we want and not our duty to the universe!”

Jack frowned at him; “You think I’m choosing duty and the Program over myself? Over something, whatever this is, with you?”

Daniel shrugged, “We have been choosing duty over life and living for years now Jack. I just can’t so easily handle this one. I need time too.”

“Why?” Jack asked, exasperated.

Daniel pressed a hand to his forehead and sighed, “Is it so hard to imagine that your friendship is important to me, that this thing we have is meaning-of-life stuff?”

“Kinda is, Daniel!” Jack groused and crossed his arms over his chest, looking uncomfortable and Daniel realized that it was that difficult. He hadn’t been involved with anyone for a long time, there were a few blips on the radar here and there but since Sara divorced him, Jack had been alone. He didn’t understand what he meant to Daniel.

Sadly that realization didn’t changed the issue and Daniel was left floundering in having to make the choice for Jack because the man was clearly incapable of making a decision and sticking to it.

With a sigh he turned to head for the door but Jack groaned which rapidly turned into a shouted, “Stop Daniel!”

“No Jack!” Daniel responded as he kept walking. “You need more time and I need to be out of here, it was a mistake to come here.”

He wished for a short minute that Jack would call out again or he would come after Daniel, but nothing was said and Jack didn’t move as he walked out of the Colonel’s house. He wanted the illusion of possible normalcy, something that Jack could say so Daniel would know there was hope but nothing came and his shoulders dropped from the knowledge that the Jack and Daniel had well and truly come to an end as it was.

He left Jack’s house, closing the door quietly instead of angrily like he really wanted to. Things were going to be awkward and dismissive, is it had been for a week now, he didn’t think there was much else he could do. Now he needed to live with the decision he was making for both their sakes, he would ask for a leave of absence so he would deal with the loss and he would go back to work. Their duty for the universe and the chance to go through the Stargate was incredibly important to Daniel so he would learn to deal with the new status quo. He walked to the Jeep and drove back to his small apartment then changed direction and headed back to the mountain. He wasn’t going to be able to sleep after that, so he might as well get some of his backlog done. His brand new plan, something that had worked for him in the past, working himself into a state of exhaustion so he could sleep, it was an old standby for him in high school and college when he couldn’t deal with the crappiness of teenagers.

Maybe he’d take his own advice, head to a bar and try and make a connection with someone else. Jack couldn’t even be his friend anymore after all this so Daniel needed to branch out badly. He could try to spend more time with Sam and Teal’c though he didn’t think he could listen to Sam prattle on about Jack and the attraction she had for him. Though he knew it was unkind and Sam was just as likely to be turned down time and time again because of the frat regulations and the chain of command, she was less forbidden than Daniel was at least, giving her more of a chance.

Plus, Jack didn’t need Daniel to spill the beans to Carter and partially the need for a companion—even just a friend—was so Daniel could talk out some of these ridiculous feelings. He didn’t understand them and talking things out was how Daniel had always worked through the big problems and the little problems.

Maybe he would just start a journal, try and work through this stuff on his own. Daniel would use codes for their identities and where they knew each other from and so on, he would do what he must to protect Jack. He might be angry and hurt because of the man, but he wouldn’t hurt him for it.


	2. Victory at Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just after Jack demands that Daniel blow the sub, they are home and safe, Daniel knows he can't see Jack without feeling so relieved he might do something stupid, something to damage Jack's image an reputation so he runs. 
> 
> And Jack follows.

Daniel knew he couldn’t see Jack at the base after thinking he was dead because of the Replicators for even just a second. He hated Jack for making him decide to launch the torpedoes and kill his friends; thankfully Thor had been there to lift them out at the last moment. He was glad they were safe; happy Jack was alive as well as Teal’c but he couldn’t see him and hold back the desire to hug Jack no matter who was there.

He missed his best friend, though he didn’t think that was a moniker he could use for Jack anymore. They were civil and both still on SG-1 but Jack didn’t come by to bother Daniel anymore, he didn’t come to drag Daniel to the commissary anymore and they didn’t have team dinners for the last couple of weeks since the second kiss and Daniel missed him—he missed them.

So now that he knew Jack, Sam and Teal’c were alive and well, in the happy clutches of Doctor Janet Frasier so he signed out and headed home with a stack of books and several translations he could work on.

No one stopped him and he drove home thinking about the awkward bedside exchange in the infirmary before Jack was taken by the Asgard and he stupidly pleased he’d been that Jack had come to see him at all. The only reason he’d been kept at the SGC after his appendicitis was because Janet was his listed doctor but mostly because he’d been living on base. After his release he’d been told politely that he needed to start sleeping at home again, Daniel didn’t want to but General Hammond made in a mandate.

After dinner, Daniel resettled at the small table with all his reference materials to finish the translation from SG-3’s mission, an interesting inscription from the ruins that could lead to more intel on the Goa’uld’s movements who had controlled the planet.

His phone rang but Daniel just got up and took it off the handle. He’d already worked enough overtime at the base and he going back and if it was anything truly important then they would just send a car for him. Daniel had purposefully left his SGC cell phone in his car as well. He had to have it with him but he figured he didn’t need it _with_ him. He had the next three days off so the rest of SG-1 could recoup and Daniel could continue to recover from the surgery as well. He was going to work from home and ignore the phone and the SGC and Jack.

He spent another hour in blissful solitude with his books, words and pictures when there was a knock at the door. With a groan, he made another notation on the work he was doing before he got up, realizing belatedly that he was hungry. He would order in some Thai food when he got rid of whoever was at the door.

He unlocked and opened the door, thinking at the last second he should have looked through the peephole before he opened the door to find Jack on the other side. Daniel sighed, leaned against the doorjamb and spoke, “Colonel?” He took a second to appreciate the smells wafting up from the bags in Jack’s hands. The spice and the hearty smells of all his favorite dishes were in that bag and Daniel knew he wasn’t going to claim the food without hearing out the man who carried them. Daniel appreciated the bribe being offered and he was not above stealing it from the man’s hands but ~~Though~~ Jack wasn’t coming through the door without an explanation.

“Daniel, I could hear your stomach from out here, when was the last time you ate anything?” Jack said with a grin.

Daniel glared at him, “A couple of weeks ago, asshole,” he griped sullen and childishly. He knew he was acting out but this was painful for him too and Jack was not coming inside without some acceptance of that truth.

Jack flinched knowingly, “You’re right, I deserved that. Just let me in and I’ll feed you and you can listen while I plead my case.”

Daniel’s eyebrow rose in question, “What case is that?”

“The case of Jack O’Neill is an ass. And he doesn’t want to be anymore. The case of Daniel Jackson is one of his best friends and he misses him.”

Daniel sighed, “Well that is an intriguing case, I am willing to listen though I don’t make any promises.” With that he motioned Jack inside, fighting the urge to grab the food and kick Jack back outside the door, eat all of the food by himself and just keep on his little working-himself-into-a-stupor plan. He figured Jack would be able to get in anyway so he might as well hear him out. He missed Jack too, the humor and lackadaisical intelligence that just spewed from the man every once in a while after everyone around him had finally been convinced of Jack’s dullness of mind. Not to mention, Daniel thought as he looked down to check out Jack’s butt as he walked over to the bar raised bar in the kitchen and deposited all of his food stuffs on the surface. Then he moved quickly around the kitchen, gathering wine glasses and plates and utensils and Daniel realized that not only had Jack’s house become Daniel’s home and he knew it better than his own apartment some days, Jack knew Daniel’s apartment just as well. Jack had been the one to come with him and help him get set up here in the first place. He helped Daniel reacclimatize to the world as it was instead of Abydos.

Then he watched as Jack pulled a bottle of wine from one of the bags and started pouring into a glass for Daniel then offered a plate to him to serve from the take out boxes.

“Please tell me you at least don’t have candles?” Daniel asked, disturbed by the date-like quality of Jack’s actions. He’d brought him dinner and wine—Daniel’s favorite wine from his favorite store and it wasn’t the wine that he drank all the time, it was the kind he liked to drink every once in a great while because he was celebrating something. It wasn’t cheap and it was hard to come by. It was a gesture, and not one of strictly friendship. Jack shrugged and didn’t answer the first question but since there were no candles Daniel continued onto the next question, “How did you know this was my favored wine?”

Jack shrugged again and if the man was going to be so monosyllabic this conversation wasn’t going to take very long at all, Daniel thought angrily as he waited for the military man to speak, which he did after they both settled with their food in the high barstools at the table, “I do notice things, in fact I notice most things about you. I remember them too. Will you please eat? I went to your favorite take-out place.”

Daniel smiled at the gentle command though after the way Jack had treated him for the past month and a half, he crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow instead of complying.

“Please Daniel, I know you haven’t been eating. And I’m an idiot for letting my fears and yes… my duty to the Air Force and country to stop me from being your friend.”

“Yeah, you are,” Daniel stated, slightly mollified enough to serve up some fried rice and spring rolls to start with. He took a sip of the wine and hummed in appreciation.

He opened his eyes and noticed the small smile on Jack’s face at Daniel’s pleasure; he flushed a little at the attention. “So, continue…” he said as he made a sweeping gesture to the food as well as Jack. The Colonel served himself then started talking, between mouthfuls.

“I don’t know what this is and I don’t know what I want it to be but I do know I miss you in my home and space. I want you enough that it’s already a distraction in my personal life and I have done a lot in the last month or so to understand that this isn’t going away and I don’t want it to. Can’t we just road test this a little?”

Daniel paused between bites, eyebrow raised, “Road test?”

“Daniel, I can’t imagine this being more than a really good friends—no great friends who have a good time together.”

“Fuck buddies?” Daniel demanded, angrier than he should have been. It wasn’t like he was looking for marriage, that particular institution had burned down around the death of Sha’re but the idea of never being more than an itch scratched for Jack hurt.

He also didn’t like that Jack was making the whole idea transient, like it could never be real though if Daniel was truly honest with himself Jack may have a point. It could never be more than what Jack was mentioning for a multitude of reasons and if this was how he got to retain his friend and have even a small part of him then Daniel would be glad for it. He understood that this was Jack’s risk and if he was okay with the status quo then Daniel could be too.

If it meant that he didn’t have to be alone after a bad mission, then it was something. If it meant that he and Jack would have a chance to talk things out together and maybe just unwind together. To Daniel this was a chance to have what he wanted, Jack in his life and maybe every once in a while, in his bed.

Then Jack was speaking again, “Daniel, we could never be fuck buddies, I care about you. Friends who can be more to one another, it’s not that abnormal actually especially because of our situation. We are closer than lovers; we have lived and died together. We have fought together time and time again, that’s more than a fuck-buddy could ever be. You mean a lot to me and I am not going to forget that.”

Despite what Jack was saying, this had the potential to hurt Daniel, maybe destroy him but he would give it a chance if Jack was brave enough to do the same.

“Okay, then let’s test drive this thing but after the month of ignoring me maybe we need to work on the friend part first huh?”

Jack winced but said with a small smile, “Deal.”

So they finished eating and Daniel walked Jack to the door. They had done movie night more than once of the years they’d been working together but Daniel didn’t have anything but documentaries and a really small couch that didn’t allow for any space if they needed it so that would just have to wait. He looked around the space of his apartment and realized the nice aspect of having an apartment higher up in the building, no one could see into the windows and there in the foyer no one could see them at all. Daniel reached out and grabbed Jack’s hand, taking a deep breath as Jack turned to look at him. Daniel was taking a chance, by making the first move, up till now Jack had been in control of them kissing or physical contact, he began and ended each encounter and he could fight Daniel on this but he didn’t. Jack leaned against the wall next to the door as Daniel stepped closer and looked into Jack’s dark brown eyes, seeing the confusion and concern about doing this but there was also attraction as Jack’s gaze slid down to Daniel’s lips and where their hands were still clasped at their sides. Daniel leaned in even closer, pressing a feather light kiss to the seam of Jack’s mouth, giving the other man the chance to stop him or change what was happening if he so desired but he didn’t.

Pressing his body even closer and Daniel asked, “Is this okay Jack?”

“Yeah,” Jack whispered hoarsely. The words moved hotly across Daniel’s cheek, he leaned close again to press another kiss to Jack’s lips, his tongue coming out to caress the seam of Jack’s mouth and he opened under the gentle pressure. Jack dropped Daniel’s hand and immediately reached out to press one hand to the side of Daniel’s neck and the other snaked around his lower back and Daniel realized how much he’d wanted to be this close for so long. He sank into the kiss, wondering if their choice to ‘test drive’ this would allow Jack to be present for now instead of worrying about what he was doing. Daniel moaned hotly into Jack’s mouth as they continued to lazily kiss against the wall, Jack’s legs widened so Daniel fit even more snuggly against his body. He tried to ignore the thought that they fit together very well despite the fact that they were the same height and both built with muscles and angles instead of curves of a woman. The thought was very sentimental and sappy, something he wouldn’t be able to say out loud to Jack but the thought was there anyway.

The closeness caused a response, Daniel couldn’t stop the erection and he got ready for Jack to push him away, but he felt the answering hardness in Jack’s penis and when the Colonel’s hands tightened around him to keep him from leaving, Daniel smiled into the contact and resettled against Jack.

Daniel’s arms finally moved to wrap around Jack’s neck and tightened their hold, tongues dancing together and hands reaching and finding hot skin under clothing. Jack’s hand had slipped down between Daniel’s pants and rucked t-shirt and Daniel’s hand scrubbed along the base of Jack’s skull and neck. This carried on endless minutes, Daniel left drowning in the feeling of closeness and desire and he didn’t want it to end but just as Jack’s hand started to reach around to the front and fumble with Daniel’s belt buckle, he pulled away and took a couple steps backwards, shaky from passion and the sudden cold air on his fevered skin.

He looked up at Jack, whose face looked wrecked, his jaw slack with pleasure and panting from the passion they both felt. There was awe and delight in his gaze while a frown marred his brow.

“Am I just supposed to leave now?” Jack groaned as he gestured downward.

Daniel took a deep breath to attempt to slow his breathing. “I told you Jack, I am not going to leap into bed, if this is about more than fucking then I don’t want to jump right to it especially because the way you treated me was not that of someone who cares about his friend.”

Jack growled, “What’s with the kissing then? Just to make me want you more and then leave me hanging? You’re punishing me for not handling this well. Dammit Daniel, I have never wanted a man before, I have never even touched a man before and you want me to get it instantly what to do about this and to handle it correctly immediately. Don’t be stupid Daniel!”

Daniel couldn’t help but recognize the truth in that but he just shrugged, then watched as Jack turned towards the bedroom and Daniel rushed after him but noticed that Jack’s hands were opening his own jeans and the zipper clacked down and sounded loud in the quiet of the room.

“Jack you gotta go, I don’t want to do this tonight!”

“You don’t have to do anything, I am going to take care of this and if you want, you can watch.”

Daniel took a deep gulp at the picture that flashed through his mind that statement caused and couldn’t help but follow the Colonel down to his bedroom. Jack moved and sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled his pants down just enough to reveal his hard cock. Daniel’s felt as the saliva built in his mouth, gulping it back so he didn’t choke on it. He crossed his arms belligerently, he was not going to touch Jack right now, if he did then he wouldn’t be able to stop touching him no matter how much the man annoyed him, hurt him, and broke him in the end. He didn’t want to punish Jack but a big part of him wanted desperately to protect himself from the harm that was going to come from this. Jack leaned back on the bed, using one hand to stay up just enough to look down at himself and pressed his right hand to his erection and started stroking up and down, slowly at first. Daniel couldn’t take his eyes off of Jack’s hand, wanting to be the one to touch him but at the same time, wondering if he did all that he wanted to do with Jack then it would just destroy him that much quicker.

“You sure you don’t want to come over here?” Jack grunted.

Daniel’s gaze shifted from Jack’s hand and his cock back up to his face, watching as he panted slightly while his hand picked up speed and Daniel walked over to the bedside table and grabbed a tube to lube from there and tossed it on Jack’s chest. The man laughed as he flicked open the cap and paused in his stroking to pour some of the viscous fluid over his cockhead and hissed at the cold of the fluid. Then the stroking started again and Daniel found himself sitting next to Jack, desperate to touch but suddenly afraid of how easily Jack had pulled him into the vortex, somewhere he didn’t want to tread quite yet. Then he was reaching out, pressing an hand around Jack’s and helping him. He felt the slide of flesh between his fingers, in the spaces between Jack’s fingers and he groaned at the feeling, imagining what it was going to be like to his Jack’s hard penis inside him, the punch of his thrusts because Jack was going to bring the Colonel to bed, Daniel just knew it. There was a small part of him that wanted that, another that raged against it but all the while he was shuddering at the thought of them having sex, Jack was leaning forward and Daniel was meeting him halfway and their lips met in another fast and sloppy kiss. Jack’s shoulder pressed into Daniel’s chest and Daniel couldn’t stop to tide of pleasure at touching Jack and he didn’t want to now that it had begun.

Jack pulled his lips away as their strokes intensified and then with a grunting groan that hit Daniel in the solar-plexus Jack came all over their hands and Daniel panted right along with him, his hard erection pressing painfully into the seam of his jeans. He pressed his clean hand against it, trying to reposition it to a less painful place. Jack pressed in close, pushing Daniel backwards on the bed and Daniel let him. He let Jack straighten them out on the bed and Jack’s lethargically sated face stared down at Daniel as he opened Daniel’s pants and started tugging them down.

“You okay with this Daniel? You need to tell me to stop if you’re not?” Jack whispered as he paused in his journey to divest Daniel of his pants.

Daniel wanted this more than he’d wanted anything in a long time so he nodded, “Please Jack, I want you to touch me.”

Jack smirked and pulled Daniel’s pants and boxers down, freeing his erection from the constrictive fabric and Daniel couldn’t stop the moan of gratitude at the release. He closed his eyes as Jack opened the lube again with a snick and spread some of the lube on his hand then proceeded to wrap that amazingly callused and strong hand around Daniel’s cock and the scientist gasped at the feedback loop of pleasure that swept through him at the sensation of those hands on him. He kept his eyes closed, afraid to see whatever Jack was thinking or feeling about what he was doing. Maybe he was just thinking this was still that friend getting each other off. Daniel couldn’t stand to look into those brown eyes and see any of the various negative possibilities.

“Daniel, I want you to know who gives you pleasure,” Jack husked and Daniel’s eyes snapped open immediately despite his previous thought process. Apparently there was one place where he would listen to Jack’s orders; the man was never going to let him live that down, Daniel thought with a groan.

Jack smiled at the sound as if he knew that his soon-to-be lover was thinking and Daniel watched as the Colonel’s body stayed perched over him, Jack’s pants still open and his cock still laying out for Daniel to see ~~all the world to see~~ and that made Daniel even harder. Jack was semi erect again and Daniel wished he was brave enough for more than a hand job tonight but he just wasn’t, couldn’t give everything to someone who was so unsure about what this was and what it would be tomorrow.

Jack was into this, he was sated and enjoying himself at the moment but Daniel didn’t know when the ‘straight guy’ would resurface, Jack had freaked out every other time before but Daniel wondered if part of that was the inability to give up Daniel for the sake of the SGC or if it was indeed the straight man touching another man thing. He just didn’t know and Daniel didn’t want this to end to quickly.

“Daniel,” Jack barked, his tone serious but his voice pitched low and gravely and Daniel was quickly brought back to the present and Jack’s hand on his body, Jack’s other hand was now pressed to the bed next to Daniel’s head.

“What?” he panted.

“Stop thinking and be here with me,” Jack demanded.

Daniel stuttered, his hips driving up into the circle of Jack’s hand and he came all over his chest and Jack’s gripping fingers. With the release he collapsed more fully onto the bed and closed his eyes as Jack flopped down beside him and Daniel started to zone out.

 

Daniel didn’t know how much time had passed between his orgasm and when he woke up enough to realize there was a warm and wet cloth being dragged along his stomach and he didn’t know if he was more touched by the gesture or disturbed by the fact that it was Jack O’Neill wiping up his semen from his stomach. He weakly batted at Jack’s hands and grabbed the cloth to take over, to remove the intimacy of the gesture but Jack wouldn’t let him.

“Stop fussing Daniel,” Jack griped, his voice a soft and gentle command.

Daniel complied only because the relaxed state was wonderful and he didn’t want to give it up for the sake of his wacked out insecurities.

“Can I stay here Daniel, please? We don’t have to stay in bed, we can watch some hockey or the Simpsons but I have three days—same as you and I don’t want to go back to the house unless you go with me.”

Daniel sighed, then nodded and decided that these couple of days are going to look however they end up looking and he was going to enjoy them all. He could be friends again with Jack, he could go to bed with him and they could help each other get off.

The rest could wait and maybe, if they got some of the firsts out of the way then going back to work wouldn’t be so weird.

Then again, they would never be the same after this; he would never see Jack without seeing all of Jack in his mind’s eye. He would never hear Jack’s groan in annoyance without it shifting into the sound he heard when Jack came. They would have to lay down the law about how to handle this thing they had. For the next three days they don’t have to be Doctor Jackson and Colonel O’Neill and that was a very promising prospect.

With Daniel’s assent, Jack popped up and stripped out of his clothes and climbed back into the small bed with Daniel who was already in his boxers and a t-shirt. Jack pulled the sheet up around them and Daniel was left wondering if it was strange how it was that this wasn’t weird. They had slept in close proximity to each other for years but now as Jack tucked himself close to Daniel’s back and they settled in to sleep. Daniel had a momentary thought to the leftovers that were left on the counter and the translations on the table and how much he didn’t feel like getting up and taking care of any of that.

“I took care of it Daniel, just go to sleep,” Jack mumbled and Daniel chuckled lightly.

Between Jack’s comfortable warmth and the still sated feeling from their mutual masturbation, it was easy for Daniel to slip into sleep, trying to ignore the feeling of rightness in being with Jack. It was like being back in Egypt or Abydos, the warmth seeping into his body and allowing him to imagine the idea that this was more than friends with benefits. He enjoyed the illusion of falling into bed with Jack after a long day, not because they were enjoying each other’s bodies but because they committed to each other and loved each other.

Daniel faded on the fantasy of what this could be, sleep coming quickly.


	3. Euronda's Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel, expert at avoidance

Those three days went fast and suddenly they were back into the swing of the life at the SGC, at the moment there was no such thing as dates or plans, when Jack felt an itch he asked Daniel to come over or he wound up at Daniel’s apartment. Those first three days were more like being in a new relationship and everything since then had been more of a fling, or an illicit affair which was at least accurate, Jack was cheating on the USAF with Daniel only there was no way the archeologist was ever going to get the guy. And he was coming to terms with it in the month or so since this all began but then Euronda happened and Daniel realized that Jack’s poignant and touching apology had been all because of something that was said about Teal’c and had nothing to do with how Jack had treated him and he knew that he wasn’t doing as well about this as he’d hoped. He still wanted something he was never going to have.

He wanted all of Jack.

When they got back to the base and the doc checked them all out before Daniel walked back to his office and took some things to translate at home. He didn’t want to see Jack while he was so unhinged by what happened on the planet. He walked out of the mountain and towards Jack’s truck, placing the small piece of paper under the lip of the hood, held in place by the windshield wiper. Daniel knew it was stupid and passive aggressive but he couldn’t stop himself from leaving it. He’d written to Jack, _‘Not tonight. Next time.’_ Then he moved on to his jeep and drove home. Jack would find the note and maybe he would be upset that he wouldn’t be getting his bi-weekly dose of Daniel Jackson and orgasms but then again Daniel didn’t really care. If he came over angry, the scientist could always leave him in the hallway, he had no intention of playing Jack’s games tonight.

When Jack had told him to shut up, Daniel was left floundering in the disrespect heaped upon him by not only his commanding officer but also by his lover and he realized that he’d been right all along, there was no way to leave the extra-curricular activities out of the field and Daniel was desperate to get a handle on his wayward emotions before he saw Jack again. They both entered into this thing of their own free will with the express intention of it being fun, friends getting each other off and it was Daniel’s fault for going back on his word, not Jack’s. What was Jack’s fault was treating Daniel like nothing more than a loose trollop who had nothing of consequence to share on the mission because it didn’t jive with the military mindset that Jack had drilled into him throughout the years.

He parked in his spot and walked into the building and to the elevator, going to his floor and walking to his door. He opened it, fumbling his stacks of books until he could get the door closed behind him. He slammed the books down on the table and pressed his fists down on the surface and grunted in annoyance. He walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed an opened bottle of wine and grabbed a glass from the cabinet and poured himself a generous helping. If he wasn’t getting laid tonight, he might as well get drunk, though he wished that he had a little something stronger in his house but Jack didn’t drink here so Daniel didn’t have anything besides his more cost-effective wine and some beer. Daniel could drink the beer if the wine didn’t work for him but he also wanted to get a little work down before he lost the ability to concentrate.

He took his glass back to the table and started working, he should pull out something to eat or maybe order in while he was thinking about it but he would rather work than think or eat.

He was knee deep in one of his translations when there was a knock on the door and he groaned, pressing the points of his fingers into his eyes, pushing his glasses up onto his forehead. “Just go home Jack, I’m not opening the door,” he muttered.

There was another knock and Daniel flopped down, his head on his folded arms on the table. He figured Jack would give up as long as he was strong, didn’t go to the door. He just had to hold off for a few more minutes and someone would call or demand Jack go away and the Colonel would leave because he was to inconspicuous if he made a big deal out of not being allowed into the apartment of his male friend from work. People would notice who was causing trouble but all that logic didn’t stop the knocking for continuing.

Then the knocking stopped and Daniel took a deep breath in relief before he gulped down the remainder of his wine and walked back to the bottle to pour another generous helping when he heard the slight shifting of weight of someone standing behind him. He lifted the mostly empty bottled and turned to bash the intruder, hoping they would be caught off guard enough that he could gain the upper hand for a moment when Jack grabbed his arms and shouted, “Daniel, what the hell!”

“Jack?” Daniel asked and jerked out of the other man’s hold, “What are you doing in here? How the hell did you get in here?”

“I picked the lock, duh,” Jack responded then pressed Daniel against the control and rubbed his semi-erect penis into the juncture of Daniel’s thighs and he hardened slightly at the feeling. “You stood me up Daniel, why?”

“I figured you wouldn’t want to hear another word out of me tonight,” Daniel snapped, even as he shoved Jack backwards and walked back over to the table and resumed his seat, and waited to see what Jack would say.

“Excuse me?” the other man demanded as he walked around and grabbed a beer from the fridge before he sat down across from Daniel. “Is this about the mission, Daniel you know that we are not the Colonel and Doctor Jackson here, leave that crap at the base, don’t bring it here.”

“How can I possibly do that when I think that what he have here has screwed up what we have in the field?”

Jack frowned, “What are you talking about?”

“I know it’s a sappy cliché but I think that the fooling around has caused you to lose respect for me in the field. The way you treated me in Euronda, I had a point and you wouldn’t listen until that leader said something about Teal’c, you apologized to me because the leader said something about him while you were callous and rude to me the whole time when I had a point and goddammit I was right. Maybe you should consider a sexual relationship with Teal’c instead!”

Jack frowned again and Daniel groaned, getting up from the table and walking around to the kitchen again, he grabbed one of the beers from inside the fridge and downed half of it, cringing at the bubbly taste, not something he liked to drink. He only ever drank it with Jack but right now he just wanted the buzz of alcohol rather than the enjoyment factor of drinking.

“You think I don’t respect you? You think that I said what I did to you because we’re getting each other off in the privacy of our homes in our private time?” Jack asked, his tone confused and looking for clarification. Daniel supposed the fact that the Colonel wasn’t yelling and shouting orders was probably the best he was going to get.

“Yes Jack,” he finally said after a minute of tense silence, “That’s what I think.”

Jack dropped his beer on the table and walked around the counter and pressed Daniel into the edge of the counter. “Get off me Jack, I didn’t want to see you for a reason. I am not doing well with the ‘road test’ and it’s not your fault. I knew going in that I didn’t think I could do this. I need some distance.”

Jack shook his head, “No.”

“No?” Daniel demanded, “You are not my commanding officer here Jack, you are not my owner or anything like that. This is about fun and today this isn’t fun.”

“It could be,” Jack said with a waggling of his eyebrows.

“No,” Daniel said and shoved Jack’s chest again.

Jack’s hand gripped Daniel’s upper arms gently, Daniel could still get away but Jack wanted to say something and there was nothing Daniel could do except listen, “Daniel, why do you need time? We had a rough day at work and this was the whole part about being able to go home together and talk out the rough days together, to be friends and lovers. What’s going on with you?”

Daniel shook his head a little bit; he was not going to say what was in his head, as it would send Jack packing.

“Daniel,” Jack crooned and Daniel rolled his eyes at the comforting use of his name. “I don’t want to have space from you, I want you to talk to me about whatever is going on with you. I respect you in the field and here, you are one of the smartest men I know and that didn’t stop when we started sleeping together. Is that why you need space, you think I don’t respect you. I was doing my job Daniel and yes something that Amar said about Teal’c tipped me to your way of thinking but that didn’t mean I didn’t believe you. I was following orders.”

Daniel snatched his arms away from Jack, “The same orders,” he said calmly and paused to catch hold of his runaway emotional response, “The same orders that says you will never be with a man, that we could never be anything to each other besides an itch scratched. Are those the orders you’re talking about right now?”

Jack frowned, “Daniel, what the hell is wrong with you, you know I care about you a whole hell of a lot but that’s not good enough for you is it!”

“I don’t know,” Daniel snapped and guzzled the rest of the beer before he dumped the bottle and took his empty wine glass to the sink, “I told you Jack, I need some space to get my head back on straight.”

“Pun intended?” Jack asked with a smirk.

Daniel shook his head and walked away, heading back towards his bedroom, “Lock the door on your way out Jack or sleep on the couch but you are not sleeping in the bed tonight.”

Jack coughed, “Understood Daniel, let me know when you are ready to talk about this, okay?”

Daniel nodded and listened as Jack walked back to the front door and out, locking it behind him. Daniel sighed and went to bed, flopping down onto his bed without removing any of his clothes, thinking momentarily that he should get a new lock for his door.


	4. Finding Their Rhythm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First time doing this.

It didn’t take long for Daniel to miss the nights at Jack’s place, whether they were fooling around or not, it was about five days after the Euronda fall out when he walked up to Jack’s front door and rang the bell with a pizza balanced on his hands and a six pack of beer for Jack, his favorite, with some breadsticks and all some salad as well. He hadn’t done this too often, bringing food to Jack had always felt too much like the misses bringing over the food even though Jack had done it more than once since they started sleeping together. He got over the Euronda fight, and he found an easy answer to his problems, lack of longevity…

It didn’t make any sense if he said it out loud and he would never dare to utter the words to Jack; it worked in his mind though. Jack didn’t believe they had any hope for longevity because they were two men who weren’t gay; they were just getting off together. Daniel didn’t believe they had any longevity because it was all to possible that they were going to die before it became a problem. He had started writing in a journal when the feelings got to be too much sometimes much like he had for every mission that the report didn’t tell the whole story but this one little tidbit allowed him to be with Jack. He could live and love in the present without getting stopped constantly by the desire to have something that would last a lifetime. It was quite possible, something he’d learned from working with the military was that their lives were finite and he was going to enjoy every scrap of it with Jack if he could, so now Jack would just have to invite him in.

Finally the door opened and Jack looked at Daniel in shock, then smiled as he leaned against the side of the door and Daniel appreciated the visual he made, there in his ratty jeans and bare feet, as well as a t-shirt and that was it, he might have some boxers on underneath but that was so few pieces of clothing and Daniel wondered how quickly he could get Jack out of them.

“Hungry?” he finally asked, “I brought pizza and beer for you.”

“For me?” Jack asked with a grin.

“Yeah, you know me and pizza, not the greatest of pals but I wanted you to have something you would enjoy and I would like to spend some time with you here if you want me to stay?”

Jack motioned for him to come inside and Daniel did, letting the door close behind him and headed for the kitchen. He put down the box on Jack’s island counter and turned with a beer in his hand, and offered it to Jack who had followed him close behind.

“I’m sorry for the emotional crap before,” Daniel said as he leaned his back into the counter. “I got my head on straight and I want to stay here with you, I want to not go home alone every once in a while and I want you to be the person I go home with every once in a while.”

Jack smiled and it was like the sun come out from behind the clouds, Daniel leaning close and Jack meeting him halfway sharing a kiss. There might not have been words about what they felt for each other, but without the need for something more Daniel was able to appreciate what Jack could give him. And Daniel could give back whatever he wanted for today at least.

Jack pressed a hand into the side of Daniel’s face, holding him close for a little while as they kissed. Daniel tucked his chin, breaking the kiss before he pointed at the pizza and grinned, “Eat something.”

“Yeah sure thing sunshine,” Jack smirked.

“Sunshine, really?” Daniel asked with a snort, shaking his head.

Jack smiled, beamed at Daniel while he grabbed a plate and grabbed the preferred pieces of pizza before he leaned against the counter to eat. He took a big bite and chewed thoughtful as he slid a finger down the side of Daniel’s smiling face, “Yeah sunshine.”

They finished eating then settled down in the den to watch some hockey and Jack shouted and ranted along with the crowd and the commentator and Daniel wondered if he’d seen this game already and Daniel decided that it was more fun to watch Jack than the games. Then watching turned into kissing and soon that became stripping all of each other’s clothes off on the couch. Daniel pressed Jack back down on the couch and he knelt on the floor between Jack’s spread legs and dragged down the Colonel’s pants. They hadn’t done this yet and Daniel had been scared to try, scared to freak Jack out but the second his lips spread over the top of Jack’s erection the older man strained against Daniel’s lips. Daniel had to hold down his hips so Jack’s cock wouldn’t choke him. He hadn’t done this in a long time so he focused on the vague idea of what he liked, suction and he bobbed his head up and down a little, using his hand on the rest of the shaft, listening to Jack’s voice as it uttered guttural expletives, he listened to the quiet encouragement and hummed around the cock in his mouth and tasted the pre-come.

Jack husked, “Close, sunny, so close.”

Daniel sucked hard, trying to sidetrack Jack enough to stop using that name, it was too easy for pet names to come out at work in the heat of something or other, which is why they had never had pet names besides ‘Danny’ and ‘Colonel’. Everyone would know something weird was going on in Jack ever let ‘sunny’ slip in front of another human being. The suction caused Jack to grunt and come with a shouted, “Danny!” and he swallowed as much as he could, working on kicking back his gag reflex to get as much of it as he could while the rest dribbled down the side of his mouth as he licked Jack clean even as his other hand slid down to press the heal against his aching erection, fumbling open the belt and zipper while he released Jack’s cock and leaned back a little and enjoyed watching Jack sit there on the couch, sated and struck stupid with it.

Then Jack was pulling him up from the ground, and Daniel fumbled as his hand was still trapped around his erection in his boxers, marveling at Jack’s strength. He could lift Daniel from a kneeling position without much work and that strength was a heady additive to his arousal. Jack leaned forward and jerked Daniel’s pants and undershorts down his thighs and one hand came forward to wrap around Daniel’s cock in familiarity and the other wrapped around his ass to pull him forward. He couldn’t stop the moan that erupted unbidden when Jack’s mouth wrapped over the tip of his cock and Daniel’s hands went quickly to Jack’s shoulders as the pleasure weakened his knees and caused him to fumbled for the strength to hold himself up. Jack’s fingers tightened across Daniel’s butt, one of the fingers sliding between the cheeks and rubbing against his anus and Daniel wanted it all.

“Jack please,” he whispered and the Colonel pressed Daniel over onto the couch cushions and he laid down as Jack moved over his body and continued to stroke and lick at Daniel’s straining erection. Daniel’s head snapped back and forth while Jack’s mouth moved up and down, his hand moving up and down as well, on the rest of Daniel’s cock while the other hand still stroked and pressed against Daniel’s hole and he didn’t know whether to press into the hot mouth or move back against the finger. Then Jack’s finger slipped inside just a little bit and the long forgotten intrusion brought Daniel over the edge and he shot into Jack’s mouth, Daniel’s hand slid down to press against Jack’s throat to feel as he swallowed Daniel’s semen and he cried out again, know that this was one of those moments where Jack could have a freak out, but he hadn’t had one in weeks so Daniel hoped that trend would continue.

“Jack,” he whispered, tears choking his voice as Jack pulled off of his soft penis and moved up his body, pushing his shirt up as he moved and pressing kisses to his bare skin a little at a time then pressed another kiss the spot where Daniel’s neck met his shoulder and he looked down at Daniel with a grin.

“That wasn’t awful and you look beautiful right now. I know that’s sappy and ridiculous but in my world when it’s all full of regrets of the past and sadness and regulations, underground in a base without windows, you’re my sunshine when you are happy or blissed out, that’s what I think of when I need a reminder that this world is a good place.” Jack whispered hoarsely and Daniel knew it wasn’t about giving head a few minutes before. Jack felt at least some of the things Daniel felt for the Colonel and even if he couldn’t say it, Daniel could feel and appreciate it. There was a prickle of tears straining to come loose and Daniel was only able to stop it because he had to nip their other problem in the bud.

“You shouldn’t call me that, what if someone hears you?” Daniel whispered back to the older man, trying to achieve a tone of admonishment but satiation was making it very difficult.

“Okay Danny, I’ll try but it’s difficult. You’re so beautiful, it breaks me apart and puts me back together and I think I’m better for it.”

Daniel snorted but could feel the rush of blood and warmth spread up his cheeks and looked down in embarrassed pleasure, “That was poetic Jack, I didn’t know you had that in you about me. Thank you.”

They stayed like that for another couple of minutes before Jack stood and helped Daniel up from the couch, they both righted their clothes long enough to clean up the kitchen, finish eating and walked upstairs to Jack’s bedroom. They were supposed to go into work for a late shift the next day, Daniel would have time to shower and change in the morning before they were supposed to sign in but he didn’t want to leave tonight. He was going to stay here with Jack as long as he could.

From that point on, they found a rhythm that worked. They worked, he translated and Jack slacked off and protected his team in the field. They were closer than ever, and Daniel smiled when he found notes or memos that he only ever knew what they meant, it meant that he wouldn’t be going home one night or that Jack would come stay with him on another night.

They never got up to anything on base, anywhere near the base and never when they were off world. These were the strict rules they lived by but thankfully Jack’s snarkiness never seemed to have the bite to it that used to permeate the words on each and every mission. Daniel respected Jack’s leadership and fought it whenever he needed to. They fought and made up and so far, the word ‘sunny’ or ‘sunshine’ had never been uttered anywhere but in their bedrooms. Daniel still didn’t think it was a good idea anyway, but there was a little part of him that was thrilled that he was the tiny piece of sunshine in Jack’s life.

And despite spending every second together that they could, learning about each other sexually, they had yet to try anal intercourse, something that Jack was skirting the edges of but hadn’t wanted to try yet then Daniel was taken by Chaka and everything changed again.

 

“Daniel, you should just stay with me for the night you can rest in the guest room and sleep off your exhaustion and everything there,” Jack said and Daniel glared at him, knowing what the crafty man was doing. He said it in front of General Hammond and Doctor Frasier and they were nodding like Jack was the wisest of the wise ones and Daniel smiled a little as they ordered Daniel into the care of his ‘best friend’. They walked out of the base together, allowed to because of the circumstances and Daniel left his jeep at the mountain, letting the night guardsman know that it would be there for the next couple of days until his quarantine with Jack was over. The guard smirked at his put upon tone, which was completely fake before Daniel got into Jack’s truck and they took off towards the house. Jack stopped for some Thai food and basic essentials since he had to do that every time they came beck from multiple trips through the gate, plus the search and rescue. Jack hardly ever kept perishable food in his house unless Daniel was coming over and even then there were mostly take out containers.

After the trip to the store they arrived back at Jack’s house and grabbed everything to bundle inside. Once everything was put away and they were settled and eating their late lunch or early dinner Daniel looked over at Jack, “I don’t need supervision, I’m fine.”

“I know,” Jack smirked.

“You just wanted to get me alone huh?” Daniel grinned back, around a mouthful of rice and pork. “Are you attempting to seduce me Mr. O’Neill?”

“Mr? Excuse me, that is Colonel O’Neill to you Sunshine.”

Daniel rolled his eyes good-naturedly and snorted, “Stop calling me that.”

“It’s been months Sunny; I don’t think that’s going to happen now.”

Daniel shrugged and went back to eating, the commentary ending for a moment while Daniel thought about the time he’d spent with Chaka and wanted desperately to share it all with Jack, share about learning Chaka’s language and finding a way to communicate with him, saving his own life then that of Jack and the other. He was under no illusions that Chaka and his people would have died but they could have taken a couple more of the SG Personnel with them. He’d been scared, sure of his own demise and he wondered what it would be like to share every last bit of physical intimacy with Jack, and since their longevity wasn’t in question either way because again; they could die at any time it made no sense to keep waiting when Daniel didn’t want to wait anymore.

He waited until Jack was in between bites, not wanting him to choke and he whispered, “Do you want to try having sex with me?”

Jack coughed anyway, “What?” he husked out between hacking coughs, patted himself on the chest.

Daniel winced in sympathy, resisting the urge to rub Jack’s back because he knew that didn’t actually help when someone was choking on nothing but air and spit. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to but we have been partaking in a lot of anal play more recently and I keep thinking I want this and I was wondering if you did too.”

Jack frowned and Daniel back peddled.

“If you don’t want to, that’s okay. We’ll just continue where we are, I understand that rubbing each other off and mutual masturbation techniques are different than anal intercourse, its not something we need to do. I understand if you feel like you can’t come back from that.”

Jack groaned and slapped a hand over his face, “Daniel shut up for a second and let me try to think but seriously ~~sadly~~ most of my blood is in my dick at the moment.”

Daniel took a deep breath and let it out through his nose. And waited while Jack moved around in his chair and adjusted himself. Daniel couldn’t help but smirk at that and Jack scoffed, knowing Daniel well enough to understand the expression was making fun of him. “I’m waiting Jack,” he husked, pitching his voice to a lower octave knowing what it would do to Jack’s growing erection and the Colonel glared at him.

“Stop that Daniel!”

“What?” he asked with an innocent expression that couldn’t last against the coy grin that took up residence on his face slowly.

“Stop it Daniel, this is a big thing, this is beyond everything we’ve done and…” Jack paused and Daniel got ready to retract his statement, to remove the temptation and the struggle from Jack’s shoulders when he got up from the table and walked around to Daniel’s side. He pulled Daniel to his feet and leaned in to kiss Daniel gently on the lips. Daniel didn’t know if this was just more of the same, which he was happy with until Jack broke the kiss and walked Daniel back to the bedroom and pushed the scientist to sit down on the side of the bed. “I want you Danny, all of you for as long as you’ll have me,” he whispered.

Daniel smiled, the grin breaking out across his cheeks and he knew it went all the way to his eyes as Jack leaned down and started tugging at Daniel’s clothes and they leisurely pulled their clothes off of each other, nothing to hold back and everything to live for. Daniel gripped the back of Jack’s neck and pulled him down for another kiss. Jack pressed Daniel down into the bed as the scientist lifted his legs up and Jack fitted himself between Daniel’s thighs and they both groaned at the heat striking out across the distance of naked skin between them.

“Lube?” Jack whispered the request and Daniel rolled his eyes seen as how they were in Jack’s bed and Jack was the one that put the lube where ever it was going to end up. Daniel reached out and fumbled under the pillow until he found the lube and pressed it into Jack’s hand.

There was a loud snick of the cap opening then Jack was slathering a little of the lube up and down Daniel’s cock, down his crack and pressed there. They had been pressing fingers inside him so much that it wasn’t bad until the third finger was inserted and pressed deep inside. The stretch and burn sank into his muscles and then there was nothing but the arch of pleasure. Jack’s fingers sank and searched until he found what he was looking for and Daniel arched up off the bed, then shoved up onto his knees even as he rolled over. It dislodged Jack’s hand who wasted no time to slather some more lube on his fingers and slide four inside, stretching him impossibly deeper.

Daniel groaned, “Come on Colonel or I am going to take matters into my own hands!”

“I don’t want to hurt you Daniel.”

“You won’t.”

Jack leaned forward and pressed a kiss into Daniel’s upper back, one hand pressing into his hipbone and the other around his own cock as he slid the head along Daniel’s hole. The scientist slammed his head down into the pillow at the sensation of being filled for the first time with Jack’s cock and he groaned. Jack paused at the sound, unsure if it was pain or pleasure coming from Daniel’s lips but he just urged Jack deeper and harder. “Please Jack, I want this so bad,” he whispered and Jack surged forward and then retracted, coming almost all the way out of Daniel’s body and then forward again. Daniel’s head pressed back, curving dangerously over his shoulder and Jack’s lips met his in a deep and wet kiss. Daniel’s body curved and bowed, needing to be as close as he could be to Jack’s body. There was nothing more amazing than feeling as close as he did right now with Jack. He didn’t care if that’s all there ever was because Jack was a kind and loving sexual partner. He reached backwards and pressed his hand over Jack’s where it still gripped his hip tightly as he pounded forward in a dedicated rhythm that the Colonel kept pressing into him then he shifted even closer and over Daniel’s back and the strokes were now rubbing on his prostrate. Daniel grunted and groaned his free hand ripping into the sheet, pulling it off of the corner of the bed as he strained, to push back into Jack as hard as he could and rub into the bedding with his aching cock so he could come. Then Jack’s hand was reaching around to grip Daniel’s cock and stroked it hard and quick. Daniel’s back bowed as he shouted into the bedding and came all over the bedding beneath him, sinking down as Jack stroked himself inside Daniel a few more times then with one more snap of his hips the Colonel was coming inside of Daniel and he had a two second concern about the lack of condoms on the man but then realized they had only been with each other for a while now, then he sank down and they both collapsed onto the bed, Daniel moving to avoid the wet sheets as he twisted to look at Jack whose eyes were closed and he was breathing the slow breath of a sated man. Daniel leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the side of Jack’s face.

“Sleep now, then we are going to do that again,” Daniel whispered and Jack smiled in the space between them.

“You’re going to be sore,” Jack returned, his hand slipping around to Daniel’s lower back to deliver a small circular message to the area just above the curve of Daniel’s buttocks. He couldn’t stop the shiver at the contact and wondered if it would actually help but he didn’t really care because he was good here with Jack and it didn’t matter what happened later tonight or tomorrow because they didn’t have to go home alone anymore.

Daniel slipped into sleep on the waves of satiation and waited for the next time in which they could share their bodies and find the magnificent connection Daniel experienced when Jack was inside him.


	5. Scorched Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel puts himself at risk and Jack doesn't handle it well at all

“I was doing as you commanded, you should have been happy that I was following your orders without even arguing this time!” Daniel shouted at Jack, who’d been shouting at him first and he realized this was a bad place to do this, there was no cover and there were cameras everywhere just waiting to catch them doing something they shouldn’t be doing. It was already catching them in this fight where the desk was the only thing keeping Jack from putting his hands on Daniel, he could see the desire in the Colonel’s eyes and it wasn’t just anger there was lust as well.

“Don’t give me that revisionist history bullshit Daniel, you chose to go back to that stupid ship when I had every intention of blowing it up! You put yourself in harms way on purpose! You can’t keep doing that!”

“Has it crossed your mind that we’re yelling at each other in my office, on base, a base that belongs to the United States Air Force?” Daniel hissed because he really wanted to know what he shouldn’t be risking his life for others when Jack did it all the time. After only having been together in this pseudo-relationship for about four months now Daniel sometimes had a hard time distinguishing him as Doctor Jackson and him as Daniel, Jack’s lover. They shouldn’t be talking about this here but if they took it home with them then the night would be altered by the fact that they were taking the Colonel and the Doctor home.

“Yes of course Daniel, I do recognize the difference between the Mountain and other places in the world,” Jack stated caustically and Daniel rolled his eye.

“Why don’t we go to the surface for a little while, we have time before the briefing right?”

Jack frowned at him, “Why? What’s going on with you?”

Daniel walked closer to Jack and looked up at the camera then back at Jack, he knew his office wasn’t rigged for sound but he didn’t want to get into anything here that could be construed as a threat to Jack’s safety and they were already starting to sound like an arguing couple. “I need some air, can we go?”

Jack shrugged and how he made that one simple gesture look angry and exasperated was just another reason to be impressed by his partner and they took a walk. They got the the elevator and shared it with someone else so there was no talking except some small talk with the airman sharing the space with them who was looking between them cautiously and Daniel wondered what he thought was happening right now but then again the Jack and Daniel arguments were pretty legendary around the base.

When they made it to the surface, Daniel quickly started walking away and Jack followed slowly behind him for a few minutes, shoving his hands deep into the BDU’s pockets. Daniel stopped and turned around, “I am always going to do what I have to do to save as many lives as I can. I am going to do what I have to for what I believe, even if that means making you angry.”

Daniel watched as Jack walked around a little more before he stopped and turned back towards Daniel and nodded, “I really get that Daniel and I am freaking out a little bit here because I wasn’t prepared to deal with that eventuality in the field and really get that I can’t stand that there is a chance I could lose you and it would be my fault.”

“No it wouldn’t Jack, I made my decision and that’s not on you,” Daniel frowned at the devastated look on Jack’s face.

“Don’t you get it Daniel, if you die, if I lose you now I won’t survive that!”

“You will Jack!” Daniel returned, “This thing isn’t anything more than friends who have a good time right? That’s what we agreed to and I care about you so much but I can’t let that stop me from doing what I need to do for the good of the people we are trying to help. We had a duty to the Enkarans and to Lotan’s people, you weren’t able to see a solution so I found you one.”

“Daniel, what I feel for you is more than that and I’m sorry because we agreed to keep this light but I love you, like I am really in love with you and I can’t stop. I think that has unduly compromised my command but I can’t seem to stop. I love you.”

Daniel stopped, his breathing seized in his lungs for a moment before whooshing out uncomfortably as he sat down harshly on the ground. Jack was at his side immediately and he reached out to touch Jack’s cheek, his hand shaking while Jack wrapped a gentle hand around his neck and stayed there.

“You love me?”

“Yeah,” Jack husked.

“I thought I was the only one, I knew that I would be the only one.”

Jack frowned, “You love me?”

Daniel nodded; not removing his hands from Jack’s body and took a deep breath to waylay the hyperventilating that was trying to start. “I have loved you for a long time Jack, it all happened so slowly and so fast all at once. I respected you for what you did on the job, how you showed up with the team. There is no one like you Jack and I love you so much and I was scared that I would be alone in this always. I know this doesn’t change anything for you but I love you.”

Jack groaned and pulled Daniel into his arms and the scientist gladly pulled the Colonel close and listened to him breath, he felt as Jack breathed in and out against his body and the warm arm wafted across the skin of his neck. “Whatever this is, a relationship or a friendship with some special benefits, it doesn’t matter what we call it anymore just that you stay alive and stay with me. Please can you please just try to see the world through the lens of someone wanting you to survive more than anything? I am compromised and I have to live with that, work through everything but we had it proven to us again that we have finite lives and I love you.”

“You don’t want to stop this, knowing you are compromised?” Daniel whispered, terrified that asking the question would make Jack reconsider and he didn’t want that but he needed to ask and have a clear answer.

“I will deal with it Daniel, no I don’t want this to be over. I need you in my life Danny.”

Daniel nodded into the side of Jack’s neck and they sat like that for a few minutes before Daniel was able to pull himself together. He watched as Jack stood up then held out his hand again to help Daniel to his feet. They stood together for a minute and Jack cleared his throat, “Look, I know I can’t stop you from doing what you feel is right but I’m here on the other side of those decisions, just hoping that you are going to fight to stay with me as long as you can.”

Daniel nodded and smiled, “Backatcha Jack O’Neill.”

Jack gave him a sloppy salute then they went back to the base and pretended to be pissed at each other about Daniel’s choices and Jack’s insistence at blowing the ship, all the while, the knowledge that later they were going to go back to Jack’s house and Daniel wouldn’t have to stop himself from telling Jack that he cared and that he loved the other man. Daniel didn’t really believe in longevity anymore today than he did that morning, they could still die but knowing that Jack loved him was enough to want to keep living no matter what it was going to look like and love would never make them a couple who lived together or had a life together and Daniel understood that better than anything. It didn’t matter though; they had today and as much time until the end to enjoy each other. Daniel was looking forward to the private debriefing later, wanting to say the words that he’d always had to choke back when Jack was inside him. He wouldn’t have to today and it made him smile all through out the rest of the day.

When Jack showed up at his office at the end of the day with a smirk on his face and a waggle of his eyebrows Daniel just rolled his eyes when the man said, “Ready to go Sunny.”

Daniel figured that anyone watching would assume Jack was calling him ‘sonny boy’ essentially and so he let it slide except with a groan, “Stop that Colonel.”

Jack snorted and they walked out together, Daniel gathered a few books and they walked to the underground parking garage and got both of their vehicles before they drove off in the directions of their homes, Daniel had to grab a few things before he drove back to Jack’s house but it was only another forty minutes before he would be putting his hands all over his lover, whispering what he would enjoy doing with the other man and he grinned wolfishly at the thought as Jack turned one way and Daniel turned the other way. Daniel’s cellphone chirped so he pulled it out and saw Jack’s number on the screen, “What’s up Colonel?” he asked with mock annoyance.

“Stop grinning like a cat who ate the canary Daniel, someone’s going to figure us out.”

“From my car and miles from base?” Daniel asked incredulously.

“Okay stop it because it turns me on and I am having enough trouble moving in these jeans already.”

Daniel snorted, “Poor Colonel, do you want me to get some takeout on my way over?” he asked, feeling oddly comforted by the domesticity of the question.

Jack shrugged, Daniel swear he could hear it over the phone, “Just come straight over and we’ll figure out food later. We have three days off and I intend on using every second to relax and enjoy you as much as I can.”

Daniel frowned, “Is this line secure?”

“Yeah, I have one of the Asgard jammers, just hurry up okay?”

Daniel shook his head when he heard the dial tone on the phone, the man had hung up on him, effectively keeping Daniel from arguing so he went back to the plan of getting some things from his place and going straight to Jack’s place and having copious amounts of sex with his partner, not that they were that just that it kind of felt like that and Daniel found the comparison nice.

He was going to enjoy it as long as it lasted.


End file.
